The moment you say, ah ha

So lately I have been on this whoa is me kick, things go a little like this...
no money, no job, no ambition, noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
fill in the blank.
I look out my window and stare, think of how much worse things could be...
I realize that everything happens for a reason, and I am by no means in control of it at all.
I have spent days, DAYS, dealing with a very strong minded little boy, who will remain nameless, but every time I look at his face I see that small part of me, grrr I get soo angry, but not at him, at me.
I know that he has had it rough, he has been through more than your average four year old should ever have had to endure, so he's allowed to be pissy and angry, and well as his mother, so am I.
I always catch myself right around the Holiday's turning into this grumpy gal, who is angry at the world, and I realize that I have a bit of control over that.  Maybe I get mad because this exact day november 19th 2007, I told my son's doctor that I keep seeing things in his left eye and he ignored me, then a few months later I find out my baby has cancer, maybe I get mad because their father still hasn't been able to find a job, maybe I get mad because  I chose to stay at home and be a mom until they start school, maybe I am mad because I don't have control over the universe, and then I had it.. I had that moment, it was like BOOM.


Graham You are my superman!

Listen, your life is not perfect, it wasn't meant to be, you had a crazy few years before you ever even uttered the word mother, and you survived, you beat your beast and survived!
Your Son has your blood, your genes, your will, your strength, he's just reminding you where to find it...
INSIDE YOU.. duh, all this time I spent looking, searching, digging deep in other things, and all the while I had to say goodbye to the girl I was, and accept the woman that I am. 

When were crazy!

Life is not always going to be fun, nor easy..  it isn't suppose to be, without any scars your just  average, and lord knows I am anything but average.
Sometimes you have to just sit back and realize it's not the overwhelming crazy dark moments that cripple you, but, the ability to embrace the wonderful ones  sure does~


So that is why I say ah ha, I will not continue to be this broken person, I will strive to be a bad ass and just keep livin like I have these thirty some years... right? No one know's survival like me, well I shouldn't say no one, because some do, were in a unique club!  Right now I am the mother to one of the coolest survivors I know!


The best of times!