a little piece of mind

Do you see what I see?
This foot? It leaves a mark, it touches many people.... sooooooooooooooooo often. Blink and you'll miss it.

This is a venting session... one that needs to get out, out of my head, it will stay in my heart, but it needs out of my head...
"are you single?"
" do they see their dad on the weekend?"
"it must be hard raising twin boys alone"
...
    Welcome to my world.... nope not single,  yup the boys see their Dad on the weekends, and yes, it sure as fuck is hard raising twin boys alone.
Doesn't make sense does it?
NO.... NO....... I have always been in relationships that are unhealthy.. having children doesn't change that... it only changes me.
I  am the best mother, he's the sometimes best game, I am the healer, the calmer downer, the bedtime routine, the bath, the dinner, lunch and breakfast, the park, the museum, the zoo, the walk, the teacher of skipping stones, the hide and seek, the computer games, the abc's the potty trainer, the world....... I am the mother!
Does it make me angry?
Sometimes.. do I cry? sometimes... is it gonna break me? HELL NO!
I am not the one missing out here folks...
 I just hope that he realizes that he needs to snap out of it...
before someone else scoops me up and does~
and people wonder why I will never get married..
ha, that's laughable..
don't judge me, or feel sorry for me or my kids...  they got the best thing in the world.. ME :) and in return I have that peace.

ramble on rose

Graham you saved my soul

 So lately I have just sat back an thought about so many things, the thoughts that ramble in my mind, the dreams I had, that somehow I let slip away, the courage I use to have, now turned in to  anxiety coupled with fear...
Ever get that feeling when your at a playground with your kiddos, and they are up HIGH ... and you panic... like everything is in slow slow slow motion?
didn't think so...
Do you have an Unexplained fear of someone always out to get you?

My twins saved my life, THEY Saved it.... One of these days I will  be brave enough to share the  details with what I call the average bear, but for now it;s safe in my heart....
I received a balance bracelet .... it's time... I practiced my old Yoga routine last few nights and don't have the balance to even hold a pose.. POISON... yup... my inner peace is destroyed.  



So here is a fucked piece I wrote... don't read into it too much yo..................

Moving forward looking out the broken window, shattered glass all over the dead lawn, tears of freedom , tears waiting to be reborn.  She can't taste tomorrow
and yesterday sucks, so she waits for the mission , her statement, the sometime ,somewhere, good luck. Win some, lose some, money train, ride some, can't be the one to die some tonight. Alone she whispers her anthem in the streets.  A middle class white girl can't talk about growing up in the ghetto, but can tell you the In's and outs of visiting it to buy her a piece of  mind.  It will surely fuck your world up.  It might feel like a slice of pie, sweet for about a week, then everything around you is bitter and well not so sweet.


look into those broken eyes



  My momma once told me that I would never know what love was... I told her I would be the last one standing and the last one to fall... Today I know it's ok to learn by mistakes, just be careful when crossing the broken streets, and don't get stuck in the lies and deception of addiction, it blinds you, destroys you, abruptly nothing matters, not even you.. that street is all you remember the spot, the corner, the hustlers, the gun shots, the deaths, the rape.... fools know, fools fall... Soldiers get back up and make life better...

10 years later.. here I am.... there they are

the best beings in my life! I wouldn't ever trade this for anything!

THIS IS LOVE!! NO DOUBT