It's gonna be a "New Year"

So now that Christmas is over, the presents have all been unwrapped and the boys are playing more with each other then any toy or game in the house, I sit back and drink this warm cup of coffee and think of all the things that have gone on this past year... 2010.

I think the hardest part of this year is every Eye exam that the twins undergo, but hearing that there have been NO TUMORS is always a lifting feeling.. yet somehow the despair and anger still subsides in my heart.  When will that ache leave? will it ever? I removed myself from so many RB Cancer groups, just so I could try to let go of the pain and heartache that I hold on to.  Graham is three, he doesn't hold on to much resentment, anger or fear... Why should I ?

I still wish after almost 4 years now that we were never touched with this horrible disease.  I read so many updates on families with little ones that have earned their "wings" this year and cry like a fool.  I am grateful to hold my guy everyday.. both of them.  I am grateful that I was able to detect something wrong and demand getting it addressed.. because I see what the outcomes could have been.  My heart breaks for those other families.. and some I have grown to know over the last few years, just because we share that horrible thing in common.. CANCER.

2010...

The singing and dancing that we endure almost everyday, the laughter, the tempers, the daring moves of the amazing duo.. the EPIC age of three.. ha, I used my most hated word  for the year.  I know that motherhood/ parenting is never too easy, and if it is then something is usually going on that shouldn't be... example if the twins are awake and quiet, that usually equals some sort of messy mess that they have created ( eggs, butter, nesquick, flour, shaving cream, lotion.. just to name of few of the things I have had to clean up this year) 

I have grown in a spiritual way this year, because I have been reminded time and time again thru the kindness of others that good people still exist.. they just don't advertise.

Sometimes I sit back and look at all the would have, could have's, and really  glad that I did it all just the way I did.  After all I wouldn't be who I am with out those.  I have began doing Yoga again to find that balance that the libra in me needs.  It also brings piece of mind when I feel I need it most. 

I plan on getting a new tattoo in 2011..  it will represent, the past the present and the future.  It's very fitting, and will be a reminder that I can let a lot of the past go, hold on tight to the present and the future will work it'self out. 

I wish that 2011 will be an easier year on us financially, but that never happens... so someone please send me some lottery tickets.