Balance a rare art form that most mothers seem to fake until they make it. I don't care what anyone says, I know deep down inside we all lose it. We might be in the grocery store hoping that this will be the one trip when we don't have to buy some sort of food to give the children to just remain happy and allow the trip to just go "smoothly",so we don't have to leave groceries in the cart and escort ourselves out the door with children in hand screaming, or just maybe this time when we say, No more, they actually get it...
Or maybe it's just me..
I find that now that the twins are three, they can be much more challenging of their will over my way. I see such creativity and determination in their eyes, and most times it's to get their way. I know that that makes them amazing and smart and even at times cunning and manipulative... all in those little bodies with adorable faces, with smiles that melt my heart and then I remember, they have 1/2 of my DNA racing through those thoughts and actions...
I struggle to find that balance.. when they act out, when they hit me or use their "evil voices" to tell me to go to timeout, I have to wonder, when did you two at three, become the parent? How is it that you are telling me what to do? What happened?
Oh I know what happened... Somewhere, some how, I got soft. I started to let them rule me, for lack of a better phrase,and now that I see the results of these actions, I struggle to get back the balance, the unity, the peace.
I sometimes cry, not because I am sad, but because I think I am not doing this right. What am I doing wrong? Does sibling rivalry really have to be this dramatic? I can't believe that two little boys can break me down.
But they do. I am aware and now I am determined to find balance to restore my sanity.
I keep telling myself.. it's winter, it's cabin fever, they are boys, blah blah blah.. but I need to become more proactive... I am going to approach the next few weeks with a different plan. I wont acknowledge the yelling and crying just to get their way.. I will take away toys if they are used as weapons. When I say no, I wont cave in 15 minutes later and give in to pacify the tears. I will continue to love hard, play hard and laugh.
I wont let them see me cry... I will win this war.
No comments:
Post a Comment